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Drama Queen
I have realized as of late, I tend to be a bit of a drama queen. I think I always knew this, but it has become more evident as of late. I tend to react in very dramatic ways-usually tears are involved and always either the worst possible or best possible scenario is playing out in my mind. All this to say that things rarely turn out how I imagine them and I am left feeling a little stupid for overreacting and trying to clean up all the messes I have made. Thankfully, I am slowly learning that often saying nothing is often best. That giving myself some time to think through before reacting is best-which, yes, is something I should have learned a long time ago, but nevertheless has become of great help lately. I can think of several times in the past few months where I’ve freaked out trying to figure something out or because I lost something and getting soo upset when there really was nothing I could do. Especially when it comes to my future-I get sooo upset when people ask me about what I want to do or tell me that I should do this or that, when they are really just trying to help or be interested in my life. Granted, I have no idea where God will lead me and I am slowing learning to enjoy the ride and not always be anticipating the end. I realized life might be a little more enjoyable if I stop to smell the roses instead of moving ahead without even noticing them. So goal for the next few weeks-enjoy the end of my semester and smell the roses around me..and not be so dramatic. There just isn’t any reason to be.
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In the Spirit of Volunteerism
So my new passion has become volunteering. I suppose not a bad passion to have except that it takes up any extra free time I had and is forcing me to be more dilligent to do my schoolwork when I have time..such as now:) but I will get back to it shortly. Being that I don’t like school it is this volunteering that is keeping me sane. I am currently going to the YWCA two nights a week and I love it!! I want to do this with my life, but alas probably should have majored in social work or some related field. However, I will do as much as I can and go as far as I can with the education I have. I am also helping with some events at the local Children’s Museum and worked at the zoo the other night. They have this event called Boo at the Zoo and they hand out candy to little kids–oh my word–sooo cute!!
That’s all for now..I must go back to studying..oh for school to be over!!
FYI–we finally got water back and we can now use it without boiling it!! So back to the 21st century:)
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Water
So–a water main burst last night and we have been without water for 12 hours. I know doesn’t seem like a lot..but all of campus is without it so no showers, no toliets, and no AC. It’s sad..and hot..and smelly:)
Hopefully they will get it fixed soon..I want a shower..
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Debating
So first of all, here’s a little insight-my mind works about two years in advance. I don’t know why this is. I think part of it is just me not being content, but I’m a planner. I always have been. I like to know what’s going to happen and what’s going on. I want to know exactly when things are going to take place-this I realize takes some of the enjoyment out of spontanity which I enjoy but only when it comes to not serious things like my plans for Friday night. So I am here placed with a debate. Maybe someone has some insight or can at least tell me to stop worrying so much about it:)
I am currently double majoring in marketing and economics. I love economics-I know, that makes me a nerd, but nevertheless I think it is so interesting. Marketing on the other hand is boring to me. I have no desire to work in corporate America. I want to work with a not-for-profit organization. This I realize now would be better suited if I had a social work degree, but a little late for that now. So if I drop my marketing major down to a minor-I could graduate next December-a semester early! Personally, I am all about getting done with college ASAP. I know it’s supposed to be the best years of your life and all, but quite frankly it has not and I am ready to move on. So there are two sides to this-one, I keep the two majors and suffer through with the hope that I will be more likely to find a job. Or I cut my losses, hope an econ degree is enough and graduate early and move on. I want to go to grad school-I have a high GPA and economic students go to grad school. So I figure my transcript isn’t going to look too bad considering I finished early with more credit hours then most people take in four years. Ah..this is all just a product of my mind working overtime and wanting a decision now when in all reality I don’t have to decide anything till next Fall. Although I have been talking to everyone I know and doing some research. And praying! A lot–I know God has plans to prosper me and to give me a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11) so I know this will all fall into place in His time-or at least I am working on trusting in that.
on a different note, I am volunteering at the YWCA domestic abuse shelter and I love it! I want to serve others with my life-this I know and I am not too concerned with getting rich. As long as I can survive.
back to homework..bascially all I do nowadays!
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Stop it
So I should be sleeping..but I have too many thoughts going through my head to attempt to sleep, plus I am waiting for my best friend to get here!
Do you ever just want to tell people to stop it? That’s kinda how I feel right now..I just want people to stop-to stop telling me what I should and should not do. To stop telling me without this or that I am going to regret life or not make any money. To let me change my mind every freaking day and that be ok. I am just tired of it. I came to college being promised the best years of my life..they lied. I haven’t disliked all of it..but I am ready to be done. And if I drop one of my majors back to a minor then I will be able to graduate next December-a semester early!! Honestly, I can’t tell you how good that thought is looking right now. I am so ready to move on in my life. I am tired of people asking me what I am going to do with my life. I HAVE NO IDEA! I am majoring in economics–not the most specific degree, but I love it. However, I want to be a mom and a wife and do something that will impact people’s lives. You don’t have to have a degree to do that. And I will have a degree–a hard degree at that and one that will make it easier to get into grad school if I decide to do that. Maybe that is just me not being content, but I am homesick, lonely, frustrated more then half the time, and ready to be done with school. I put way too much pressure on myself to get good grades..which sometimes is a good thing, but doesn’t make me want to stay around any longer then I have to. And I am too grown for this whole scene. I want to be closer to my family..closer to my boyfriend..closer to the things important to me. So who cares if I don’t have the perfect resume or the most impressive college career-I serve a God who provides exactly when and what you need and who will NEVER leave nor forsake me. I have dreams and goals and aspirations that I will follow as far as God allows me and beyond that I will probably change my mind every day and that’s ok.
so stop it..
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dragging
Do you ever feel like you are just dragging? Like every time you pick up your foot to take a step, it feels like someone put lead there instead. That about sums up this semester so far. It started out well, but has just been kinda rough lately. I think a lot of it has to do with not being content with the place I am right now and struggling to see why God has me here-what my purpose is in this location. But I am confident that there is a reason–I just have to be faithful to trust in God and know that I just need to be a good steward of my time here regardless of whether I ever know the reason for being here or not. I have this verse in my facebook profile and it is a good reminder of how faithful the Lord is. “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” -Zephaniah 3:17 So even when I seem to have no quiet in my life and am struggling-God will quiet me with His love. And I know He has given me the passions and desires I have for a reason. so while I wait and trust-I will serve and praise.
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God’s little gifts!
This has been a crazy semester and it just started. I think I’ve already logged more time in the library then is good for any normal person. But oh well..hopefully the good grades will pay off someday. On a different note, I have become very thankful for little moments of encouragement. Like Sunday night when one of my sorority sisters and I decided to start praying together! and then yesterday, Angela called and said she was coming to see me!! and a few minutes later I got a call from one of my very good friends at camp! They were gifts from God as I sat in the library studying for a statistics test that I must pass!!
And my time in the Word has been really good lately. God has been blessing that and the time I have to spend alone.
And Friday or Sunday..depending on if you talk to me or Shawn is our two month–:) I’m excited..He is amazing. Too bad I am here and he is not..but I might get to see him in November which would be super exciting!
Back to work..
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