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Christmas is coming..
..it’s never too early to start thinking about gifts.
I have decided that other than a few things I am going to bring back from Bali, I am buying gifts from Food for the Hungry.http://www.fh.org/give/catalogYou can purchase things that will drastically change people’s lives and give them hope and a future.What a better way to spend your Christmas budget! -
Be Here Now
My mom pointed out something today that I have always known to be true. I struggle very much with just being wherever I am. I am always planning the next step. I have to know what is next. The next job, career choice, move etc. I don’t know why. I mean, I have been this way since I was very young. I usually have my summers figured out by October. I have never gone more than a week without a job. I have rarely ever not known the next step… until now.
I am here in Saipan and I can, for the first time in my life, say I have NO idea what the next step is. I have no clue what I want to do with my life. I change my mind about every 5 minutes and at the end of it, simply have no idea what is next. And I just wish I could figure out how to just be here. How to stop worrying about the future, or what’s next, or having a plan. So what I come home in May with no plan? Is that a bad thing? What if I don’t figure out what I want to do with my life for awhile? What if the things I am currently passionate about are not conducive to a career or a job? Is that really a big deal?I am trying to convince myself that it is not..it is not going to be easy and like my mom said, “maybe God took you to the other side of the world to teach you just that.”You May Also Like
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Kleenex, Vulnerability, and The Turtle
I hit a wall this week and never knew I could cry so much. I have officially reached the “longest time being away from home” mark and it caused me much anguish. I don’t know why, I am really enjoying Saipan, but I really miss my family. The advancement of modern technology is amazing and I cherish the fact that I get to see and talk to them, but sometimes you just need a hug and those things don’t transfer so well through the computer. Not to mention there is stuff at work that just drives me crazy and while I am sure that is true of any job, I often expect more of my co-workers because we are all Christians who supposedly serve the same God. Thus once again, my expectations get in the way and I am disappointed. One of these days, I will learn how to let go of my expectations and simply be. I am working on that. My prayer all week has been that God would give me the eyes to be here. To love Saipan and my co-workers and my job and my time here. However, I used a lot of kleenex this week 🙂
and then comes Wednesday which is my favorite day of the week because it is Bible study day. I can honestly say I have never been so in love with meeting with a group of women each week. It is one of the top priorities of my week. As we were riding home last night, Anna and I were talking about just how different this study is than any we have ever done. I thought to myself, of course its different-we are on a small island and the women are as different as the colors of crayons in a box. Young and old, married and single, mothers, and daughters, teachers, and lawyers. But the biggest difference is something that has nothing to do with any of that. It is the fact that the longer we meet and the more cohesive the group gets, the more open and vulnerable we become. Never in my life have I felt more free to share my thoughts, fears, prayer requests, and struggles. It is a sacred time where who you are is all that is wanted. Not your fake face or your pretend perfection, but the messy you full of joys, regrets, hopes, and fears. I will miss them the most when I go home.Now, you are probably wondering about the turtle. I hurt my knee and took the week off running last week. I then decided that not running probably partly led to my emotional breakdown and was finished with resting. My knee would just have to get over it because I need to run. My sanity depends on it. Therefore Monday, armed with ibuprofen, I went running. My knee was actually okay, but I am running at a turtle or maybe even snails pace. I am forcing myself to ease back in slowly. Today is Thursday and after two days of running the knee is starting to rebel again-but it is just going to have to get over it! I don’t think its anything too serious..or at least I hope its not! Medical care is lacking here so I just need it to heal.Other than that, life is full of teaching, coaching cross country, running, biking, and eating. (I guess I shouldn’t complain since all of that is done by the beach, life isn’t too bad:) )Miss you all!!You May Also Like
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The Most Hopeful Thing I Have Read In A Long Time!
This is from Donald Miller’s Blog and exactly what I needed to hear right now!
Does God Have a Specific Plan for Your Life? Probably Not.
I want to write an essay saying the statistical chance of God having a specific plan for your life is roughly 1 in 227. I’d base that statistic on scripture, because scripturally, for every one person God had a specific plan for, there were 226 He did not. Joseph was in, Benjamin was out and so on.
Okay, I haven’t actually done the math. It may be 1 in 250 or 1 in 95, but that is hardly the point. The point is we think God is going to tell us exactly what to do, but chances are, He isn’t. It’s just not a Biblical idea.God does have a general desire for everybody, for them to be reunited with the Trinity through Christ, and for them to have food and shelter and relationships, but I don’t believe God has mapped out a plan for your every day, or even for your every year.
My friends who disagree and think God has a specific plan for everybody are mostly sitting around waiting to hear from God. Meanwhile, God’s plan for them, apparently, is to shop at Bed Bath and Beyond and quote the latest Saturday Night Live skit. Quite the plan.
I contend with this idea for a number of reasons, but the main reason is that I don’t think God is a control freak.
Imagine visiting a friends house for dinner for the first time. You sit down at the table and the father, who sits at the head of the table, tells each of the kids, and the wife for that matter, what and when to eat. Then he tells them what to wear to bed, when they will be getting up, where they will be going to college and who they will be married to. Later, you tell your friend you thought their dad might be a bit controlling. You secretly believe their family to be dysfunctional. But your friend is offended. They think it’s perfectly normal to want to please their father in everything they do. And they are right, it is appropriate to want to please ones father. The only problem is, their father is NUTS!
God, on the other hand, isn’t nuts.
If God is fathering us, He is helping us discover what is good, right, pure, and worthy to pursue. He teaches us morality and ethics, but also gave us a heart filled with desire and longing. It’s as though God sets before us a big sheet of butcher paper and hands us a box of crayons and tells us to dream.I’ve a friend whose wife is a counselor who does this very experiment with kids she counsels. She gives them a sheet of paper and some crayons, and based on how they respond, she can tell whether or not the child has a dysfunctional relationship with their parents.
But I could be wrong. Here’s how you know, based on scripture, whether God has a specific plan for your life:
1. If you are a virgin and you get pregnant anyway.
2. If your donkey talks to you.
3. If an angel wants to wrestle.
If any of this happens to you, God is definitely at work. He also wants you to see a counselor.
And there are a few more. You get the point. If God has something specific for you, you’ll know, I promise. But if He is setting a box of crayons down in front of you (a box of crayons called life) then by all means draw. He’s taught you right from wrong, good from bad, beautiful from profane, so draw. He will be with you, proud of you, cheering you on, so draw. He loves you, so draw in the inspiration of the knowledge of His love. Draw a purple horse, a red ocean, a nine-legged dog, it doesn’t matter. Lets stop being so afraid. Lets live, and show the world what it really means to be grateful we don’t live in a dysfunctional family
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Answered Prayers
Wednesday nights are Bible study night. I am part of a small group of women varying in just about every way possible and I LOVE it. It is such an awesome picture of the body of Christ and I have grown to love each one of them for their unique differences and thoughts that make our study so enlightening.
But beyond that, there is something about our study that makes it different from any study I have been part of. That is ANSWERED PRAYER. Literally we pray for something and sometimes within hours the prayers are answered. It blows my mind. Last week we prayed for a key and cell phone to be found. The key had been missing for a month. The cell phone had been missing for several days. By the next day, both had been found! We prayed for a house to be found and within a week a house was found. We pray for highs and lows, for sick and healthy..and it just never ceases to amaze me the stories of answered prayer that come back each week.I can’t imagine life in Saipan without this group of women. They encourage me, strengthen me, and pray for me. And we do the same for each other and God listens. Not that I thought He didn’t, but to see tangible answers to prayers is mind-blowing.Now I must get on to teaching my lovely students:)You May Also Like
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Transportation
I now have transportation here in Saipan!! I got a new….bike!!!!:) I have never been more excited about a purchase. You see, up to this point, I have been able to catch rides with the other teachers, but the longer we are here the more people get into their routines and it gets harder and harder to find rides for little things-like getting my hair cut. So I finally found a bike. I have been looking for one for awhile and I heard that a local store had them. The guy gave me a $50 discount and it ended up being $150. I felt that was a pretty decent price for a bike on a small island where other things can sometimes run astronomically expensive.I rode to my friend Amanda’s Sunday for breakfast, got my hair cut, and rode 6 miles yesterday!! Also, I have somehow managed to injure my knee and getting a bike is just the break from running it probably needs. (I am not one to usually rest for injuries) So needless to say I love having a bike!! -
Focus
Wednesdays are busy for me. I usually have a run to get in, paddling, and then my Bible study which I absolutely love!! And today was especially frustrating because we had to scramble for a ride and everything just happened a lot faster and more rushed than I like it. So needless to say, I needed a good dose of re-focusing.
We normally paddle at 5, but today we didn’t get out till about 5:30pm which meant that we got to watch the sunset. This is something that I don’t normally get to do because we are normally eating, but tonight the sunset was especially amazing. The sky was purple, pink, blue, and orange..it was BEAUTIFUL! I have never seen anything like it. As I was paddling, looking at the ocean and the sunset it just hit me.. I have spent all week frustrated about little things. It just seemed like everything and everyone put on their “Drive Amanda Crazy Pants” and got under my skin. But all day, God has reminded me that I am small. I am a tiny speck that He loves and is crazy about! And He has a perfect plan for my life..but beyond that, He has called me to love, to be selfless, to give, and to be here.So tonight I just decided I am going to give this week to God and love and give and trust that He will work out the rest. My purpose is to glorify God in all that I do and to serve Him by serving and loving those He has placed around me. Which is not going to be easy, but I am always up for a challenge. It also means I need to spend a lot more time praying and spending time with God.You May Also Like
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Alive
I took this quote from a friend..Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. ask yourself what makes you come alive, and godo that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive. -Howard ThurmanI read it today and realized that this is my current dilemma. I have not quite yet figured out what makes me come alive. I do know that I felt the most alive while I was in Africa and that teaching does not always make me feel super alive. So this is my prayer and pursuit. That I will find that passion that truly makes me come alive..and that I will have the courage to follow it no matter what.You May Also Like
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Running Machine
I have gotten bit by the running bug! I am seriously addicted. It just feels amazing and is a good way to just get away for a bit. I love the way I feel and I mean, running by the ocean is not something I have the chance to do back home.
The other good thing is, I have met an amazing couple here who are also avid runners and they have been picking me up for all the races and for an occasional run throughout the week. They are great! I am so thankful for them and the female competition on this island is pretty much kicking my butt into gear! I am running with professional athletes-pretty cool!Yesterday, we left around 6:30am and went up to this place called The Grotto. We left from there and ran down the most beautiful trail through the jungle, up and down Banzai and Suicide Cliffs and back..it was stunning! The views of the ocean are simply breathtaking. I never get tired of it. We finished our run with a quick swim which felt amazing! I am really enjoying getting to know them too-they have led the most interesting life and always keep me entertained. Plus, they are in slightly better shape than me so it pushes my butt to work a little harder! -
My First 10k
After today, I am convinced I have a loose screw somewhere. I decided to run a 10K this morning. First 10k race I have ever run, although surely not my last! However, this was not your normal 10k. No, this race was mostly through the jungle. And I am not talking path through the jungle, I am talking rocky, twisty, vine-covered jungle. At one point, I grabbed a branch two seconds before my head would have gone smashing into it. and it has been raining so much here that it was slippery. But boy was it a fun race! and it ended pretty well too!
So here’s out the morning went. Woke up at 4:30am. Ate breakfast. A wonderfully amazing couple named Ben and Rebecca picked me up at 5:30am to take me to the race. We get there, get signed in, and then the announce starts giving instructions. First thing he says is, well, it is definitely longer than a 10k. Great, I think..not only am I running through the jungle, but now I am running more than 6.2 miles. So we start at 6:30am and run uphill for the first 30 minutes. Literally straight up a hill. But trust me, that was the best part of the run. We make our first turn and I get lost! Leave it to me..thank goodness I only got lost for about 2 mins and turned around and found the correct path through the jungle. I would say half the course was through the jungle. It was tough-and so slick I walked quickly through most it. Then a gravel path that was again straight uphill. More jungle, only this time going downhill. Only thing worse than running uphill. Running downhill esp. when its wet. You have to tiptoe down to avoid slipping and falling flat on your back! When I finally made it back to the road I have never been more happy to run on concrete in my life! Finally something I could pick up some speed on. However, I was also very tired at this point. But I eventually found and passed the one runner I had been pacing with and ended up coming in second for the women!! Best part about it-I won $50! and I have never felt better about accomplishing a race.
I did it! I ran over 6 miles through the jungle and while it was hard, it was BEAUTIFUL! I will have to try to find some pictures so you can see exactly what I am talking about!
So one race down, many more to go! Next weekend-easy 4.7 mile run up and hill and back down!! My new friends Ben and Rebecca are going to pick me up and we are all going to do it!
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