Determined not to let my current land-locked state hinder me, I have set off to cross another item off my bucket list.

The challenge: a half marathon. In eight weeks.

Being back in Indiana, far away from my little island has certainly taken its toll. For the most part, I am thankful to be home and I am really thankful to be closer to my family, but there is rarely a day that goes by that I don’t find myself looking wistfully out the window hoping it will be blue ocean I see instead of traffic. I know coming home was the right decision, but it has been a pretty stressful transition and I have definitely thought multiple times about getting on a plane and going back.  So the stress levels have been high and after finally getting settled into an apartment (three months after arriving home), I knew I needed to do something to keep myself from breaking down.

After some prodding from friends, I was finally convinced to tackle the half.  Its something that I have wanted to do for a while, but kept coming up with reasons why I would not be able to complete  it and failure is not an option in my world.   But after the fourth person asked me to run it, I gave in and found a training program that I felt I could finish. It is not quite as running intensive as some other ones I had researched and so far the knees and hips are doing great. I ran four miles Saturday and felt great! Monday a friend and I started week #2 off with a great 2.5 mile run and this morning I got up at 5:30 to train for thirty minutes before work.  And of course, while the stress of life has not decreased, my emotional ability to handle it has increased.  I am happier, I sleep better, and I am slowing learning to enjoy life here in Indiana.  Not to mention,  e-mail and Skype keep me in close contact with the reasons I miss Saipan the most!

So bring on the training, the sore legs, and hopefully the ultimate feeling of accomplishment. 1 week down, 7 to go!

It’s amazing how much we take for granted our sight.  Even if you wear glasses or contacts, you just never really think about the fact that you can see. Maybe it takes an extra step in the morning, but eventually you can see clearly and you go throughout the rest of your day not really thinking much about the fact that you can actually see. But what happens if that sight is gone? Or not as good? What happens when your prescription is out of date?

Things get blurry. It is hard to see. Words are fuzzy. Life is cloudy.

Welcome to my world.

Things are a bit blurry. My eyes aren’t working so great right now as I am in the healing process of PRK (a form of LASIK) eye surgery. I worked really hard and saved my money last year so that this summer I could have LASIK because I was over wearing glasses. I wanted to be able to see! And both my parents had it done so I knew it wasn’t a huge ordeal and a pretty safe procedure. Sadly I wasn’t a candidate for LASIK; my cornea’s were too thin so I had to have PRK which is basically the same procedure, just with a much longer recovery time. So instead of instant gratification, life is blurry. And may continue to be so for six or so weeks. Talk about a major bummer. But, as with most things in life,  there is always a lesson to be learned.

First off I am learning the value of being patient. We live in a world of instant gratification and as such, I wanted instantly perfect eyesight.  I am not very good at being patient anyways, but my eyesight is pretty crucial to my life. So this week I have had to take my time, read slowly, and use lots and lots of eye drops to simply continue doing the tasks normal and easy to my job.  Its been frustrating to say the least. But as I have thought over my life, I can see this general theme.  I am always in a hurry. I always want to get to the next thing. And I miss a lot in the process. But now that life is blurry, life is actually getting clearer. I have to slow down. I have to take my time.  I have to take a break and close my eyes and breathe. And I can’t spend my evenings on my computer. I have to unplug and turn off the media. Ironically, that’s probably what I should have been doing all along.

Also, I am discovering that seeing clearly does not always have to be the prerequisite for acting clearly. We may not see the end result, the whole picture, or the fine details. But that does not mean we should shy away from acting. I could have spent the week lying around complaining, which, I’ll admit I did do some of. But I also spent the week connecting with people and dreaming and plotting for the next step. I have no idea the fine details. I can’t see the big picture. In fact, all I have is a blurry idea of what I want it to look like. But that is enough. That is enough to move forward.  Because we aren’t called to know every detail, see every fine line, and perceive every possible outcome. We are simply to live and do and act. And that is exactly what I am doing. Despite so many things, I will continue to move forward, albeit perhaps a bit more slowly, but forward I will move because the fine details will fall into place at the right time. And eventually they tell me I will be able to read again.

So as with most things, I am growing and learning from something that was never intended to be that.  And I am more confident in who I am and where I am going then I ever have been before.  And really it all comes down to this:

Sometimes to see clearly everything has to get a little blurry first.